Day 4: Sept. 8, 2013
You know, when you sit down and stare at your water color paints, and you have zero clue what to do, its weird. There's a moment there when you feel like puking. Like you just want to vomit water color paint all over the little blank paper to see what would happen. I'm sorry if that's really gross. Its just how I feel when there is nothing and it has to become something. I think I want the something to be something. To be good or brilliant or recognizable.
My kids' paintings are amazing, not because they are good, brilliant or recognizable. My kids just don't give a rat's ass what anybody thinks, and the result is pure energy on paper. I don't remember painting as a kid. I do remember feeling awkward in art class. Like I had no clue what to do while all the other kids seemed to dive right in. A project in our senior year of high school required us to replicate a Goya painting; the point was to draw light flooding out of darkness. This was completely beyond me where as a lot of my classmates were amazing at this.
Well, and then there's writing. This writing thing is intense. Again, there's that moment when there's nothing and it has to become something. Then you think, oh my god, someone else is going to read this. No thank you. I'm only doing this because a cup spoke to me, and I accidentally bought a book, and I've started it so now I have to finish it.
And the thing is, playing the violin has none of these elements for me. You don't have to create something out of nothing. The little black dots on the page tell you exactly what to do, and you do it, and then its gone. In the mean time, you get to move your body and you get to discover someone else's genius. And the best part is that you get to put all of your passion into the music and suddenly, it is your creation. This is how I like it.