Day 57, Oct. 31, 2013
Some women just know they want to have babies and some women know they do not. When I was twenty eight, married to my husband for about a year, I knew I wanted a baby and it was time to try. I had just graduated from grad school with a violin performance degree and was facing orchestral auditions, and building my teaching studio. It so happened that for me, taking an orchestral audition was about as intimidating as participating in a race to the top of Mt. Everest with a bunch of Nepalese Sherpas. And building a teaching studio? Exhausting! I'll just have a baby, I thought. At least I could delay the painstaking audition process and the tedious studio building process while the baby was a baby, and could start career building again in a year or so.
First off, having a baby is about 1 trillion times harder than taking an orchestral audition and about 10 gazillion times harder than building up a teaching studio! And one year to get your career going? How about never? And the thing is, auditioning and teaching are relentlessly challenging.
So, I excitedly go off the pill, and we get down to business, and I'm planning my speech to my students and I'm putting off practicing, because the baby would be coming any moment!
My body was very sneaky: "Not so fast, you lazy piece of crap." Get your violin out, get yourself some teacher training, and get your career going, you piece of avoidance!" It would be six years, lots of fun medical intervention and a harrowing pregnancy in which we lost a twin before my first baby arrived.
But, here's the thing, and this is just like a predictable mini-series. I did win an orchestral audition, and I built up an awesome teaching studio, and I learned to meditate with inspirational cds. And I moved to a place where I found my musical niche. And once my first baby was born, it all became clear. All of the agony of infertility, the days, months and years wondering if I would ever have a baby, drooling over mothers and their kids, hating all pregnant women, hating women who clearly didn't want kids, hating men all of whom just seem to move on in these situations...it all stared me straight in the face and said, you needed to take care of you first before you could take care of her, so that's why this happened.
And as a side note, in my struggles, I met the most amazing doctor in the history of the world, by whose adept hands both of my children were conceived in the same petri dish. The details of this story will come in the next installment of this very exciting baby-making mini-series.
Coffee: The last of my grounds were used today in a delicious cup of home made decaf!
Cups and Bags Challenge: I'm going to add $10 for all the people in the world who I know are using reusable cups and just forgetting to email me! If YOU use a reusable cup, email me here: email@example.com and I'll send a dollar to Bring Recycling. Today we're at $63!