Friday, October 4, 2013

The Silent Little Scream

Day 30: Oct. 4, 2013

Yesterday, I accidentally posted my blog on someone else’s Facebook time line.  This is interesting because the number of visitors to my blog quadrupled for one day. I check the number of visitors that come to the blog on a daily basis and I’m sad to say, sometimes it gets out of hand. Like I’ll check every fifteen minutes for a whole day. I can look it up on my damn phone which just sits there on the counter screaming its silent little scream that, hey, maybe someone else read your writing.  On the other hand, if I don’t check the ratings, I don’t really care about whether people look at the blog.  I mean, I don’t sit around wondering.  Maybe a little, but not obsessively. 

Deep down, I’m thrilled that this experience has been positive so far. I like writing. It’s like everyday I get to spend a little time exploring a thought that’s roaming around in my head. It’s not always pretty, and I’m usually writing a sentence here and a sentence there, with zero time to rewrite really horrible sentences. The guy who wrote the 365 days book that spurred this project for me talks about the importance of sharing your work. Its what keeps you going, and I totally believe that. But here’s the part I’m trying to figure out. Why does it keep me going? Do I feel like people are actually affected by the writing in a way that makes their lives better? Maybe for a few people, and maybe a little, but on the whole, I’m not sure that’s what drives me to continue.  I think it’s more of a narcissistic desire to be recognized, to be read. I mean, the number of page views is a big thing to me.

And the thing is, there are a million blogs out there. When I read a funny or poignant post I’m always glad I read it and I usually carry thoughts about it around for a while that might help get me through a crisis moment or a “can I please crawl in a hole” moment, and I absolutely LOVE reading my friends’ writing.  Maybe that’s it. Writing a daily blog is a way to share myself with my friends and with a person or two who might carry an idea around with them that will help them along that day. And in the mean time, I can check the page views and do a little dance when the numbers go up one by one.  If I think about it really hard, I think I would be absolutely freaked out if the numbers actually did go up really high. That would be way too much pressure! Either way, I’ll just keep writing, oh and painting! That’s a whole other set of emotions for me, that maybe I’ll write about tomorrow.

Coffee today: None so far, but I guarantee if I get one, it’ll be caffeinated!

Cups and Bags Challenge: Not sure yet. I’ve seen so many disposable cups here in New York, I’ve been a little bummed. Maybe I should walk into Starbucks and yell, “What the hell are you doing New York? Get with the program!!” And then run out. That was my husband’s suggestion.  


Watercolor:


2 comments:

  1. I think at least one bit of personal activism should be on the menu while you are in NYC. I mean, c'mon, here is an opportunity. :) Rose

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