Day 92: Feb. 15, 2014
I want to write something, but I don't know what. Its been 2 months. Everyday I think about how I'm not writing anymore. And its no big deal, it just occurs to me that, hey, I had my blog going for a while, and now I don't. Not writing created a feeling of freedom in me that I enjoyed, but now, I feel like I'd like to stir my creative pot.
Can I be honest? I am struggling to think of anything to write about. I mean, I could write about Brenda, the professional organizer. I could write about how I've noticed that I say this to myself on a regular basis: "I wonder what it would feel like in my body if I did Yoga everyday," but I have yet to find out. I could write about how I've been having some really awesome conversations with my daughter about her friends and their relationships. I could write about how sometimes I can see the walls between me and another person while I'm talking to them, if it happens that I don't know them well, or if we're just not the same personality type.
But here's what keeps popping into my mind while sitting here. Yesterday, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. I had a stuffy nose, and for some reason thought it would go away, but it never did, so I didn't fall back to sleep. Around 6, I got up to start the day, and felt my usual panicky feeling when I don't sleep enough and know I have to hang with the kids all day. But, right when heard my son's door creaking open and could imagine his little hands gripping the door knob in anticipation of what he would discover this day, I heard a voice inside my head. It said, "quiet your mind, and you will make it." It was a loud loud voice. Very forceful. And the greatest thing happened. My mind crawled into bed and snuggled down under the covers. Normally when I don't sleep enough, I shriek around in my head all kinds of crap about how sad it is for me that I'm tired and that I'm full of woe, and how no one understands. But yesterday, I felt so quiet in my head that I was able to be gentle on my family and my kids. And myself. I felt like I was experiencing a revelation all day long. It only took me forty years to get to this point, and hopefully my husband who has always known how to do this will forgive me for taking so long to get here! (Assuming "here" is a place, and I can actually stick around.)
And I'm getting my closets organized. You should see them. Well not yet, but you should see them once I'm all done. It turns out, organization is all about bins and labels. Who knew?
Coffee: I'll start with the confession, which I can't hide because my husband found me out: I bought a disposable cup about three weeks ago at Starbucks. You see, not only are my closets disorganized, so is my everyday life out and about. I lose things. I'm way better than I used to be. But the fact is, I've lost every single reusable cup I've ever owned up to now. I mean, basically the coffee cup aspect of this blog is a complete sham. (So is the grocery bag part, who am I kidding?)
The good thing: since I've started this blog, whenever that was, I've bought two disposable cups (yes, there was another one about 5 months ago, which I never confessed.) That's a big improvement from 4 or 5 a week. Ok, here's what I'll do. The next reusable cup I buy, I'll write my name and # on it, and I'll post here whether or not I still have it, which might help me to not lose it. We'll see.