Saturday, February 27, 2016

Hello. I'm back. Not really listening to my inner shrieker saying, get the honey out of here and go take a bath.  Read a book. Stop researching homeschooling, stop reading blogs about other people's lives! Don't let yourself go. Go use your new pillow!

I remember watching my Dad read so many books. And my mother write and write and write. And my mother played the piano while I danced in the living room: the Pathetique Sonata by Beethoven. Can you believe we live only one life?  Can you believe that one life comes and goes, then its all over?  And there are so many blogs. There are so many people writing about how to live this one life. So many people writing with advice about how to get along, how to maximize each moment, how to accept failure and move on or how to prevent failure in the first place.  How to slow down and smell the flowers.

One reason I want to homeschool is because I might spend all of the time my kids are at school reading blogs instead of actually taking their advice.  My poor boy is sick with diarrhea. My girl is full of laughter and contentment. Do I have the balls to homeschool?  Do I have the courage to follow my instincts?  Please, allow this to happen. Don't force it. Allow it to come, to occur, to fruit.

All is well.

Goodbye.
 

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

February 22, 2016

Hello blog.  Its nice to see you! I have missed you!  I have so much to tell you that I'm not sure where to start. Just so you know, if we do get back together, I am not going to spend a lot of time with you, like it was last time. And I will give myself to you not very often, and not necessarily thoughtfully, and I will not post you on Facebook.  I hope these parameters work for you, because they work for me and I'm kind of excited about it.

Lately, I've been writing in a free thought journal in the mornings, not every day but probably three to five times a week.  Its what keeps me sane and happy. This page is not the same thing, but maybe it will also keep me sane and happy.  My husband bought me a new computer last year right before I quit writing on these pages.  Ironic, huh?  And we moved from our house in the country to a house in town, and hopefully he won't read this, but I miss our house in the country, even though I didn't really like the house that much. It was a beautiful house. I just didn't like how when I looked out of the windows, I couldn't see the sky. Its a problem I have. I enjoy our new house. I enjoy being able to ride my bike to symphony rehearsals, and I enjoy driving about 20 minutes a day as opposed to 90 minutes a day.  Big difference.

I was thinking about my journal and wondering whether I had left it at the restaurant where we ate breakfast the other day, and I thought about how if anyone picked it up and started reading the pages, they would find a babble of words, like a bubbling creek, or a conversation in a foreign language. I had other thoughts that I cannot remember right now. You should always write down the thoughts you have when you first open your eyes in the  morning. Dammit all, I thought I would remember them.

Good bye for now.